A short conversation with my angel friend reminded why I am the luckiest person on earth! 

Yesterday was most likely the worst day of my life. But then, today I realized that everything happens for a reason.

gentle reminder: be kind to yourself. 

I raise my voice only because I am scared too. I don't how we are going to fix things. I'm sorry for making you feel like you are alone. I'm here and we'll figure this out together. We've been through much but you braved the storms on your own. I'm here now and I care despite what I let on. I care more than I can show. So, bare with me and I promise this too will pass. 

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well. ” 
― John T. Tindsley

a new year

i linger still.

Happy New Year world! 

I ask of myself, in this new year, to be true. that is my only resolution and a heavily loaded one at that.

2011 was a year of realization, and i am thankful that i was able to to have that time for myself. it wasn't the most beautiful, but it was most necessary. cheers to a year of health, joy, prosperity and chasing dreams!

live life world, XO

status QUO

"I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn't." 

- albert camus

Hello Sanjay Patel

And so i've unlocked a couple of entries that have been sitting oh so quietly in my drafts... i told you i'd be back :)

Hinduism

of the many realizations that have occurred to me in the recent past about my heritage, religion has been perhaps the most endearing of them all. growing up in a moderate Hindu home, i had always discredited my mother of her foolish traditions and religious beliefs and practices. she would never defend herself, only smile and let me say the things i would say. she would insist however that i do my part when the time came during a ceremony. as a child, i'd accompany my parents to the temple and never really absorb anything at all... it was more like a trip, an outing for the day.

recently though, i've been longing to be at the temple. i have no idea where this feeling derives from and can't explain to myself, but it's what i feel. i've been more attentive on my visits to the temple and have realized what that place means to my people... or at least what it used to mean. my understanding of Hinduism is that it's not a religion... it's a way of life that is described as a religion to makes things easy for everyone. many of the practices i don't necessarily agree with but i have come to appreciate the value they hold for others. when i see my mother cry in prayer i feel as though she in that moment is experiencing something greater then reality. it's as though she surrenders herself...

I've been gone for such a long while now that i've almost lost that part of me that rejoices in bombarding others with my thoughts. I don't have much of an excuse either, i've been sleeping a lot and trying to put myself together in order for myself to be able to enjoy as much of montreal's summer as i can. thankfully i've got friends that insist i go out and have fun and they've kept me on track more than anything! 

truth: be told.

"I discovered that my obsession for having each thing in the right place, each subject at the right time, each word in the right style, was not the well-deserved reward of an ordered mind but just the opposite: a complete system of pretense invented by me to hide the disorder of my nature. I discovered that I am not disciplined out of virtue but as a reaction to my negligence, that I appear generous in order to conceal my meanness, that I pass myself off as prudent because I am evil-minded, that I am conciliatory in order not to succumb to my repressed rage, that I am punctual only to hide how little I care about other people’s time. I learned, in short, that love is not a condition of the spirit but a sign of the zodiac." 
— Gabriel García Márquez 

"If I knew that today would be the last time I’d see you, I would hug you tight and pray the Lord be the keeper of your soul. If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already." 
— Gabriel García Márquez

http://www.retroist.com/2009/07/31/audrey-hepburn-photoset/

"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness. 
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. 
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. 
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. 
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. 
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others." 
— Audrey Hepburn

CrackBerry PII

the previous post was created ages ago... laze.


I can't fall asleep... It most likely has to do with the fact that I can't sleep on my right side, which I've the habit of, because of the burn :( the thing has morphed into the most hideous of bruises! And so I lay awake on my bed unable to move really, staring at my ceiling which apparently has become residence of choice to at least 3 spiders... Gross. Anyhow, I tell myself now is perhaps a good moment to decide how I want to live the next four or so months of my summer vacation... Only I can't decide. Planning ahead is so difficult but at the same time I'm terribly afraid of wasting the summer and having let the days past without having done anything interesting or worthy of memory :( one thing is for sure I need to be working most of the four months and I've been looking for jobs around town. Another thing is for sure, I want to learn to cook and prepare myself healthy meals to accompany some sort of exercise plan... Bref, I feel as though I've filled my body with a whole lot of rubbish and need to detox. I also want to do something creative. I'd love to earn up enough of a sum to purchase myself a proper camera... Gosh, that would be awesome. I want to change up my room... Paint and some new (old, I love vintage) furniture type thing. Oooh, and work on that fashion mission of mine, closet needs update! Also read 3 books. That's quite the list isn't it... I think I've decided then!

Tomorrow I'm to visit some Doctor who's come in to town from Toronto... To start a new ayurvedic treatment for my vitiligo, which in recent times has gotten a lot worse. I'm not going to lie, I'm so excited that I'm nervous. I'm afraid too. I've set my hopes really high on this treatment (that in actuality I can't even afford to follow)... And I'm afraid it won't work. Truthfully I'd be shattered. I'd been living with it for so long that I can't imagine myself without it. But since it's been appearing on my lips, arms and hands and expanding around my eyes, I've had a hard time accepting it. Anyhow, this visit that I'd been waiting for 2 months now is happening tomorrow and well it's also got me restless I guess. I think I'll watch a movie or something to get myself to sleep :)

OOOOOH! And the royal wedding? It was purely magical! It was as though I'd been transported to another time... I found it mesmerizing! And, I think #harrylovespippa is trending!!

CrackBerry

So when I'm laying in bed trying fall asleep is when most of what I think or feel comes to the surface and well pulling out my laptop to type about it doesn't seem so functional... So I decided that seeing as I keep my phone beside me enough times a week (its my alarm, you see... And yes I'm aware of the whole radiation business... Will have  to get proper alarm clock soon...off topic!) I'll just type up entries on my phone! 


At the risk of boring you, these will most likely be screened the next day for intolerable stupidity... or maybe not. I can probably figure out how to post directly but I'm to lazy at the moment.


I didn't quite get the BlackBerry craze until I got one to try for myself and quite honestly its a fabulous little gadget! Quite fancy its convenience and overall look (the white casing versions are so much more chic if you ask me!) What I calculated the most before jumping on to the trend was the degree to which I'd be connected. I appreciate being accessible but not to the point where everyone knows me by name and face and nothing else. The lack of privacy and the way people are so keen on investigating the least attractive characteristic of a person is really heart breaking and unsettling. Be not mistaken, I take part in these social networking sites that exist in all sorts of forms... But recently, I've been doing so with some discretion. I want to maintain the mystery of my personality for a person to decode in person not through my facebook profile page. I love that I can share things on there and keep in touch with people that otherwise would have escaped my life owing to various reasons. My impression of the BB was that it was a tool that meant you were always connected, by way of applications and what not. Its true, when you have BBM, twitter or facebook and the tip of your fingers its hard to resist, but its not so hard when you know exactly where you stand about it all... My good old Sony Ericsson phone was simple and well engineered and I loved it, unfortunately it was dropped in the snow (on the eve of an colossal exam, i might add) in the midst of a snow storm and was only recovered hours later... crushed under the wheels of a car :(


I can discipline myself (oddly) well enough about it all that it's really up to me when it comes to how connected I am! My addiction to blogs seems a contradiction to my concern about privacy... but in my head its not. I guess to put it clearly, facebook is what scares me most haha! Although I'm not the type to write my life story into my status... The whole stalking thing has got me paranoid (maybe because I know well enough how potent of a tool it can be for stalking from my college days eeek!) All this blah blah to say... I officially LOVE my BlackBerry despite not being happy about it at the outset. And with that I inaugurate a new series of posts: "CrackBerry Blog Post"... Yay!

Hello Sebastian Stan

okay so i may be going through a high school girl phase with yet another post on, well... a gorgeous man. 

i can't help it! Sebastian Stan is a beautiful man indeed.

yep! thats the guy that plays Carter Baizen on Gossip Girl.

DROP IN:
catching up on what seems an eternal line up of Gossip Girl episodes... i fell out of love from the series midway through season 2 but given the load of time i've recently procured my self in my bed thanks to a beautiful mishap be it manifestation 235243235 of my absolute clumsiness (i managed to knock over boiling water freshly poured from a kettle) i've decided that i would catch up on some TV seeing as i can't do much more with my burn (it hurts so terribly much! please do take care when near such dangerous things as leaping hot water)... besides i still have to wait on the latest episode of Vampire Diaries to be uploaded.  


Also, i need to stay up till super duper early tomorrow morning because.... it's the morning of THE ROYAL WEDDING... duh. the royal family and the princes more specifically have been an unhealthy and very well closeted obsession of mine (closeted no more i guess) so this wedding is of epic importance in my books. i am just so excited! i think i've watch all the royal wedding specials out there! 


I had more to say but i've forgotten.
XOXO
ps. the British flag reminds me only of the Habs... 2012 will be our year i just know it!

Hello Telugu Cinema

So i recently got into Telugu cinema and my reason? the absolutely gorgeous men!! they are so stunning it hurts :(
Rana Daggubati is one fiiiiiiiine looking man!

http://www.ranadaggubati.com/2010/01/rana-daggubati-to-make-his-bollywood-debut-in-rohan-sippy%E2%80%99s-film/

FASHION MISSION.

i don't like the pieces in my closet anymore. i'm not excited about getting ready to go out or just leave the house for errands...i despise the hassle of having to convince myself to chose something to wear from what i've collected over the years... it's not fun when you don't feel presentable. it may be an exaggeration and out of complete superficiality 

forgive me, at times my inclination for fashion seems sinful given the struggles being suffered by so many in today's world, and so i don't bother to speak of it or let it be known... but maybe i can strike a balance and find away to enjoy it in a way that doesn't make me feel so guilty

a lot of the pieces i own have been by compromise. i could and still cannot afford the pieces i actually appreciate and so i find things that please the budget... often times, they are of poor quality and by the time i get home with them i'm not particularly happy about anything i've purchased (which is hard when i know that the hard earned money i spent was in vain)

there must be ways to explore fashion without me having to sell my kidney, right?

Arcade Fire? bless.