Cause it just feels so right...

Your face will be the reason I smile...But I will not see what I cannot have forever

it's 5 am, and i am sitting in the crevice of my couch, belting this song out to my mother's discontent :)

cell physiology, you will be the end of me.

i want to cry myself to sleep.

only, i can't.

facebook status:

my cell (that which i consider an extension of my soul) has committed suicide. BREF, i dropped it/lost in snow, found it an hour later only to realize that it was run over and no longer functions. there is no landline service under my rock, but we do have farmer's internet (go figure) and so facebook works.

exams are my way to redemption. most of the time.

in general, throughout my student life, as much as a i fuss and cry about the disgusting and unapologetically brutal process that is studying... the end result is proportional to the effort (give or take) and so i find some level of comfort.

this time, the feeling is different. this time i am dreading with every grain of my existence the very thought of these exams. i cannot fathom the notion of remaining at my desk, immobile, completely surrendered to my heavy books and submerging what remains of my brain cells in the glory of scientific discoveries made by senile and mostly rotting geniuses. i have been phenomenal at eating and sleeping and occasionally going to work. work of course being the heavens to anyone who has any inclination for chocolate (Lindt boutique... yes, i've gained a bajillion pounds worth of chocolate right on my thighs... its a matter of knowing one's product well enough to sell it). photosynthesis and its rigorous photosystems is of no interest to me. i much rather surrender to my bed or better yet, surrender to tv and bask in the glory of all that is VAMPIRE DIARIESSSSSS. gosh, i am obsessed. 

i know why it's different this time. it's because i have lost to time and to procrastination. i have been unable to gather the will to fight my laze. i feel as though i haven't left myself reasonable time or chance to make a difference in my grades with these exams. i HATE going through an exam and having the answer at the tip of my tongue only to sit there and tell myself, i should have read that chapter one more time and i would have been fine. i hate knowing that just a little more effort, a little sooner would have helped. i hate knowing that if i had studied just a little more, i could have done so much better. it eats at me from the beginning of the exam till the day i receive my grade. then it's right into the depression, and hating myself. 

WHYYYYYYY OH WHYYYYYYY did i wait so long? sleep so much? eat so much?

i don't think i have it in me to be a good student no more.

O_o

You never know how things 
Gon turn out huh? 

I know you got the best love 
That I ever had 
I swear that when I look at you, 
The time don't pass 
Intoxicated without 
A sip from a glass 
Infatuation was real 
Thought we would last 

But you're gone away 
I thought you were gon to stay 
I got deceived again 
I can't believe 

And now you got someone who don't 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You already know who use to 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You look for me and you know I be 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight 
When you the one who told me to get 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life 
That's unfortunate 
That's unfortunate 
That you didn't believe in me 

You know I got the best love 
That you ever had 
Tell me how it feels to know 
You'll never get it back 
Baby tell me how our train 
Never got up off track 
Never be the same 
Thought our hearts were attached 

But you're gone away 
I thought you were gon to stay 
I got deceived again 
I can't believe 

And now you got someone who don't 
Treat you right, treat you right (don't) 
Treat you right, treat you right (don't) 

Treat you right 
You already know who use to 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right (oh) 
You look for me and you know I be 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight (sight) 
When you the one who told me to get 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life (Oh) 
That's unfortunate (Oh, oh) 
That's unfortunate 
That you didn't believe in me 

Pain don't last forever 
I'm telling you cuz I done been there 
Heart turn to anger 
Friends turn to strangers 
But right now I don't care 
And you'll get there 
(You will, you will, you will) 
You didn't keep 
(Talk about a bunch of mess) 
Your promise 

And now you got someone who don't 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You already know who use to 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You look for me and you know I be 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight (sorry) 
When you the one who told me to get 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life (oh) 
That's unfortunate (that I) 
That's unfortunate (la, la, la) 
That you didn't believe in me 

You never know how things 
Gon turn out, huh? huh? huh?

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/unfortunate-lyrics-trey-songz.html ]

RESULTS

This questionnaire is designed to get you thinking about the sort of jobs that might suit your style.
John Holland's model of vocational choice suggests that people with particular interests and styles tend to favour certain types of jobs. Holland described six main types of person:

• Realistic
• Conventional
• Social
• Enterprising
• Artistic
• Investigative

Knowing the types you most (and least) fit can help you think about the types of role that may suit you.

Read below to find out what careers you seem to be suited to based on your results in the test:

Artistic

Your results suggest that Artistic type work might suit your interests and preferences.

Artistic types are interested in creativity and art, preferring freedom and independence to following rules and procedures. Self-expression is very important to Artistic types and they may prefer to work alone. Typical roles for Artistic types include artist, singer, designer, photographer, musician, writer and actor.

Social

Your results suggest that Social type work might suit your interests and preferences.

Social types like roles that focus on helping, teaching or supporting others and very much prefer working with people to working with things or ideas. They tend to prefer working in teams and like to feel they are doing something useful. Typical roles for social types include teacher, counsellor, nurse, minister of religion, clinical psychologist or police officer.

Realistic

Your results suggest that Realistic type work might suit your interests and preferences.

Realistic types generally prefer action to words, they like physical activity and may prefer working with things to working with people. They tend to favour jobs where they can work with their hands or produce things, and often like outdoor work. Typical roles that suit Realistic types are gardener, mechanic, driver, electrician, farmer, sportsperson, skilled trades, labourers and some engineering and military roles.

Conventional

Your results suggest that Conventional type work is less likely to suit your interests.

Conventional types are happy to work within systems and large organisations and tend to focus on accuracy and efficiency, preferring to know what is expected of them. They tend to like things to be organised and predictable and are often involved in roles that involve recording, sorting, documenting and organising. Typical roles for Conventional types include the range of administrative and clerical roles (e.g. in the government and financial sectors) as well as accountancy, banking, bookkeeping, secretarial work and some inspecting roles.

Enterprising

Your results suggest that Enterprising type work is less likely to suit your interests.

Enterprising types like persuading and influencing people as well as controlling, managing and selling to them. They like to take a lead and are often quite motivated and ambitious but may be impatient and can find rules and detail frustrating. They tend to favour roles such as salesperson, manager, estate agent, supervisor, lawyer, advertising or marketing executive and often like positions that have status and prestige.

This brief questionnaire can't tell you exactly what you should do. It only suggests work areas to think about that may match the way you like to work but it can't tell you whether you have the skills and qualifications for these jobs.

To take things further you should consult your local careers service or your local library. Use the right-hand navigation bars at the top of this page to find links to other careers sites.


... and so i've always known, what to do next is what i don't know. from where i stand, it's hard to see or make out anything further than arms length.