status QUO

"I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn't." 

- albert camus

Hello Sanjay Patel

And so i've unlocked a couple of entries that have been sitting oh so quietly in my drafts... i told you i'd be back :)

Hinduism

of the many realizations that have occurred to me in the recent past about my heritage, religion has been perhaps the most endearing of them all. growing up in a moderate Hindu home, i had always discredited my mother of her foolish traditions and religious beliefs and practices. she would never defend herself, only smile and let me say the things i would say. she would insist however that i do my part when the time came during a ceremony. as a child, i'd accompany my parents to the temple and never really absorb anything at all... it was more like a trip, an outing for the day.

recently though, i've been longing to be at the temple. i have no idea where this feeling derives from and can't explain to myself, but it's what i feel. i've been more attentive on my visits to the temple and have realized what that place means to my people... or at least what it used to mean. my understanding of Hinduism is that it's not a religion... it's a way of life that is described as a religion to makes things easy for everyone. many of the practices i don't necessarily agree with but i have come to appreciate the value they hold for others. when i see my mother cry in prayer i feel as though she in that moment is experiencing something greater then reality. it's as though she surrenders herself...

I've been gone for such a long while now that i've almost lost that part of me that rejoices in bombarding others with my thoughts. I don't have much of an excuse either, i've been sleeping a lot and trying to put myself together in order for myself to be able to enjoy as much of montreal's summer as i can. thankfully i've got friends that insist i go out and have fun and they've kept me on track more than anything! 

truth: be told.

"I discovered that my obsession for having each thing in the right place, each subject at the right time, each word in the right style, was not the well-deserved reward of an ordered mind but just the opposite: a complete system of pretense invented by me to hide the disorder of my nature. I discovered that I am not disciplined out of virtue but as a reaction to my negligence, that I appear generous in order to conceal my meanness, that I pass myself off as prudent because I am evil-minded, that I am conciliatory in order not to succumb to my repressed rage, that I am punctual only to hide how little I care about other people’s time. I learned, in short, that love is not a condition of the spirit but a sign of the zodiac." 
— Gabriel García Márquez 

"If I knew that today would be the last time I’d see you, I would hug you tight and pray the Lord be the keeper of your soul. If I knew that this would be the last time you pass through this door, I’d embrace you, kiss you, and call you back for one more. If I knew that this would be the last time I would hear your voice, I’d take hold of each word to be able to hear it over and over again. If I knew this is the last time I see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already." 
— Gabriel García Márquez

http://www.retroist.com/2009/07/31/audrey-hepburn-photoset/

"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness. 
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. 
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. 
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. 
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. 
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others." 
— Audrey Hepburn

CrackBerry PII

the previous post was created ages ago... laze.


I can't fall asleep... It most likely has to do with the fact that I can't sleep on my right side, which I've the habit of, because of the burn :( the thing has morphed into the most hideous of bruises! And so I lay awake on my bed unable to move really, staring at my ceiling which apparently has become residence of choice to at least 3 spiders... Gross. Anyhow, I tell myself now is perhaps a good moment to decide how I want to live the next four or so months of my summer vacation... Only I can't decide. Planning ahead is so difficult but at the same time I'm terribly afraid of wasting the summer and having let the days past without having done anything interesting or worthy of memory :( one thing is for sure I need to be working most of the four months and I've been looking for jobs around town. Another thing is for sure, I want to learn to cook and prepare myself healthy meals to accompany some sort of exercise plan... Bref, I feel as though I've filled my body with a whole lot of rubbish and need to detox. I also want to do something creative. I'd love to earn up enough of a sum to purchase myself a proper camera... Gosh, that would be awesome. I want to change up my room... Paint and some new (old, I love vintage) furniture type thing. Oooh, and work on that fashion mission of mine, closet needs update! Also read 3 books. That's quite the list isn't it... I think I've decided then!

Tomorrow I'm to visit some Doctor who's come in to town from Toronto... To start a new ayurvedic treatment for my vitiligo, which in recent times has gotten a lot worse. I'm not going to lie, I'm so excited that I'm nervous. I'm afraid too. I've set my hopes really high on this treatment (that in actuality I can't even afford to follow)... And I'm afraid it won't work. Truthfully I'd be shattered. I'd been living with it for so long that I can't imagine myself without it. But since it's been appearing on my lips, arms and hands and expanding around my eyes, I've had a hard time accepting it. Anyhow, this visit that I'd been waiting for 2 months now is happening tomorrow and well it's also got me restless I guess. I think I'll watch a movie or something to get myself to sleep :)

OOOOOH! And the royal wedding? It was purely magical! It was as though I'd been transported to another time... I found it mesmerizing! And, I think #harrylovespippa is trending!!

CrackBerry

So when I'm laying in bed trying fall asleep is when most of what I think or feel comes to the surface and well pulling out my laptop to type about it doesn't seem so functional... So I decided that seeing as I keep my phone beside me enough times a week (its my alarm, you see... And yes I'm aware of the whole radiation business... Will have  to get proper alarm clock soon...off topic!) I'll just type up entries on my phone! 


At the risk of boring you, these will most likely be screened the next day for intolerable stupidity... or maybe not. I can probably figure out how to post directly but I'm to lazy at the moment.


I didn't quite get the BlackBerry craze until I got one to try for myself and quite honestly its a fabulous little gadget! Quite fancy its convenience and overall look (the white casing versions are so much more chic if you ask me!) What I calculated the most before jumping on to the trend was the degree to which I'd be connected. I appreciate being accessible but not to the point where everyone knows me by name and face and nothing else. The lack of privacy and the way people are so keen on investigating the least attractive characteristic of a person is really heart breaking and unsettling. Be not mistaken, I take part in these social networking sites that exist in all sorts of forms... But recently, I've been doing so with some discretion. I want to maintain the mystery of my personality for a person to decode in person not through my facebook profile page. I love that I can share things on there and keep in touch with people that otherwise would have escaped my life owing to various reasons. My impression of the BB was that it was a tool that meant you were always connected, by way of applications and what not. Its true, when you have BBM, twitter or facebook and the tip of your fingers its hard to resist, but its not so hard when you know exactly where you stand about it all... My good old Sony Ericsson phone was simple and well engineered and I loved it, unfortunately it was dropped in the snow (on the eve of an colossal exam, i might add) in the midst of a snow storm and was only recovered hours later... crushed under the wheels of a car :(


I can discipline myself (oddly) well enough about it all that it's really up to me when it comes to how connected I am! My addiction to blogs seems a contradiction to my concern about privacy... but in my head its not. I guess to put it clearly, facebook is what scares me most haha! Although I'm not the type to write my life story into my status... The whole stalking thing has got me paranoid (maybe because I know well enough how potent of a tool it can be for stalking from my college days eeek!) All this blah blah to say... I officially LOVE my BlackBerry despite not being happy about it at the outset. And with that I inaugurate a new series of posts: "CrackBerry Blog Post"... Yay!

Hello Sebastian Stan

okay so i may be going through a high school girl phase with yet another post on, well... a gorgeous man. 

i can't help it! Sebastian Stan is a beautiful man indeed.

yep! thats the guy that plays Carter Baizen on Gossip Girl.

DROP IN:
catching up on what seems an eternal line up of Gossip Girl episodes... i fell out of love from the series midway through season 2 but given the load of time i've recently procured my self in my bed thanks to a beautiful mishap be it manifestation 235243235 of my absolute clumsiness (i managed to knock over boiling water freshly poured from a kettle) i've decided that i would catch up on some TV seeing as i can't do much more with my burn (it hurts so terribly much! please do take care when near such dangerous things as leaping hot water)... besides i still have to wait on the latest episode of Vampire Diaries to be uploaded.  


Also, i need to stay up till super duper early tomorrow morning because.... it's the morning of THE ROYAL WEDDING... duh. the royal family and the princes more specifically have been an unhealthy and very well closeted obsession of mine (closeted no more i guess) so this wedding is of epic importance in my books. i am just so excited! i think i've watch all the royal wedding specials out there! 


I had more to say but i've forgotten.
XOXO
ps. the British flag reminds me only of the Habs... 2012 will be our year i just know it!

Hello Telugu Cinema

So i recently got into Telugu cinema and my reason? the absolutely gorgeous men!! they are so stunning it hurts :(
Rana Daggubati is one fiiiiiiiine looking man!

http://www.ranadaggubati.com/2010/01/rana-daggubati-to-make-his-bollywood-debut-in-rohan-sippy%E2%80%99s-film/

FASHION MISSION.

i don't like the pieces in my closet anymore. i'm not excited about getting ready to go out or just leave the house for errands...i despise the hassle of having to convince myself to chose something to wear from what i've collected over the years... it's not fun when you don't feel presentable. it may be an exaggeration and out of complete superficiality 

forgive me, at times my inclination for fashion seems sinful given the struggles being suffered by so many in today's world, and so i don't bother to speak of it or let it be known... but maybe i can strike a balance and find away to enjoy it in a way that doesn't make me feel so guilty

a lot of the pieces i own have been by compromise. i could and still cannot afford the pieces i actually appreciate and so i find things that please the budget... often times, they are of poor quality and by the time i get home with them i'm not particularly happy about anything i've purchased (which is hard when i know that the hard earned money i spent was in vain)

there must be ways to explore fashion without me having to sell my kidney, right?

Arcade Fire? bless.

"you made me who i am, from the words you said"

a million explosions in my head.
it hurts.

NObody's Perfect

I hate that i let you down and i feel so bad about it....

winnie the pooh will always be my hero.

"I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost." 

— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

"Doubt thou the stars are fire;  

Doubt that the sun doth move;  

Doubt truth to be a liar;  

But never doubt I love." 

via http://connect.in.com/krishna-pictures/photos-radha-krishna3-42bcfa94e8bdfe0e.html

Radha & Krishna

via http://www.harekrsna.de/artikel/autumn.htm

when you wait too long

so this is what happens when i choose to ignore my thoughts... they grow stronger and wage wars against each other...


since being remote from anything that has any semblance of self expression, i feel as though i don't exist somehow. i'm not quite sure how to explain it, but when i'm not blabbing about me, myself and i here... i feel like my personality shuts down and hides in the depths of some ever lasting corridor. 


this semester (being a student, my life is segregated into semesters and everything derives of each set of 4 months) i've been sleeping a lot... more than a lot... too much. why that is i haven't quite understood. it's not exhaustion, i haven't done anything particularly difficult or time consuming that merits to be deemed tiring. i ponder after the fact and can never seem to come to a conclusion other than apathy. 


see i need a project. i need something to keep my person alive, something that stimulates my interests and aspirations to feel alive. to be able to work towards something usually gives me the enthusiasm i need... i used to have that. i used to be involved, i used to do things I enjoyed, that somehow benefited others at the same time. maybe that's my problem, i can't think of anything that will please me and others at the same time. 


other than being in an inspirational/motivational rut.... i'm in a catastrophic financial rut. the kind that stresses you out to the point where you go numb. i hate the feeling of being limited by my financial situation (sound familiar? i think i may have mentioned about a million times... bear with me) and i refuse to let my family suffer on my account. so, i need help... i'm not so great at asking for it but here it goes... help me. anyone with an idea or inspiration on how to make the best of what i have... i want to know how i can feel like i am alive and know with certainty, if possible at all, that my existence matters... i want to learn how to achieve what i want to despite what my circumstance dictates, to be able to live beyond what anyone in my shoes would be expected to live. i think i may be asking for a little too much...

"Yes I'm a beast and I feast when I  conquer"

-N.M.

spring go fetch summer!

yumm

Evandi unna pethan pethan pethan ?

Kaiyila kedhecha sethan sethan sethan sethan sethannnnnnnnn!

swoooon.

"Push this button in case anything happens." 

— -Elevator in Osaka, Japan

JAPAN: in my prayers. 

i can't even begin to fathom the scale of devastation this nation is suffering. images of  children and people searching for loved ones  is what breaks my heart the most. God, you are going to have to take your time in explaining this to me, because i simply don't understand. 

"In this world 
love has no color 
yet how deeply 
my body 

is stained by yours." 

— Izumi Shikibu (Diaries of Court Ladies of Old Japan)

scared

my life is slipping through my fingers like sand... 
i am out of control and all i can do is sit and witness it.
it is genuinely scaring me, i am literally destroying everything i have been working towards.
maybe i do need help.
where do i go?

I lied. and yall got me booked.

the only truth is... i've stopped writting and creating... that at this point there is so much racing through my thoughts that i can't even discern anything of the crazyness. i still linger here, only to start and leave without leaving anything.

it's 2:32 AM, i just finished up a couple of write ups for the awards to be presented at this marvelous and monster gala the Canadian Tamil Congress is organizing this saturday... preparations for this event has eaten the entire team alive but i sorta can't wait... we've worked so incredibly hard! i admire each one of the dedicated executive working on this project... they genuinely inspire me to live my utmost potential.

so, it's late and i'm sitting in my family room alone in the quiet (except for Romi's random sigh and wagging of tail against the floor - in his sleep), closing up all my windows for the day and getting ready to set my laptop away... 

i've never introduced to me kabooki lover to yall!!

ROMEO 

has been with us since mid fall last year, we adopted him from a some family friends

he is my angel, i have no words for his preciousness.

i adore watching him sleep :)

hello hello :)

i've got so much to say, so much to share: so much commotion in my mind... you know, sometimes i just end up saving things as drafts cause i never get around to finishing the post...
i'm too tired now, but i'll be back tomorrow!
PEACE.

under the coconut tree

you be chilling with me

Eat Pray Love

finally, i'm giving myself time to read this book i've been longing to read... YAYYY :)

resolutions, a draft.

1. read more books

2. write more (see blog more :$)

3. eat healthy

4. see my friends more often, attend "fun" events... bref, have fun without having to have a reason 

5. go out for walks in the winter and on runs for the spring

6. join an art class

7. join a tae-box class

8. work towards getting my grades up for the exchange program

9. get my passport 

10. take care of myself

11. learn to sew clothes

...

maybe it's too late to be pondering resolutions... or maybe it's never too late.

2011 here we are :)

so i'm a little late, but better late than never!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

i'm still in the process of jotting down potential resolutions (i think that me over thinking them defeats the purpose... but i want them to be real and i want to stay true to them... ya right!)

cheers to a splendid new year full of health, love, beauty and happiness!

XO

I know its not your fault, but I’m a locked door

And inside I’ma mess by someone before

And I wish that I, I could find a key

To unlock all the things that you want us to be

Let me open up and start again,

But there’s a safe around my heart

I don’t know how to let you in,

And that’s what keeps us apart

And that’s why I need time.

I said I need you,

I need you to understand, you, you, you 

Call up the locksmith,

Tell him we need him quick

We’ve got a million keys,

None of them seem to fit

While you’re on the phone,

call up the clocksmith,

Cuz I could use some time,

Even the slightest bit

Let me open up and start again,

And break this safe around my heart

I don’t know how to let you in,

And that’s what keeps us apart

And that’s why I need time

I said I need you

I need you to understand, you, you, you 

I’m thinking now’s the time,

Maybe its time to go, if I gave you my heart, be gentle,

I’m tired of laying low, lets give the world a show

And when you know, you know,

And when you know, you know, you know

And when you know, you know, you know, you know

And that’s why I need time

I said I need you,

I need you to understand, you, you, you 

I need you to understand 

I need you 

I need you, you, you

Read more: http://www.killerhiphop.com/need-you-lyrics-travie-mccoy/#ixzz1A2c9N9oi