shamelessly and unconditionally devoted.

evermore forgiving and never expecting.

forever bearing and forevermore relinquishing.  

Indian Woman with Red Bindi by Ginette Callaway

I give up. I know i land up here more when i'm on the brink of an emotional breakdown more then when i have something good and nice to share... but thats sorta how it is. 


i feel like i am trying so desperately to have things go right and they do just the opposite. every time i manage to convince myself that i can do something and that there is a way out of everything if my will is strong enough... my will gets blasted into a million pieces. 


to make matters worse i feel like there is a clown at  every corner of my mind laughing at me. i want to stop trying and just be. i feel like i might as well stop writing on my list of goals and aspirations and just start erasing.  no energy left to fight anything anymore. nothing left whatsoever: i'm on the ground and i don't want to move.

GET UP &

D.A.N.C.E.

I have just barely finished watching this film and I cannot contain myself. This film has, for me at least, revived any passion I have ever felt for cinema and film making. Sheer brilliance on all levels (perhaps this opinion is premature given I have yet had the chance to come out of this high its taken me to)! No praise is enough. It deserves, in my opinion, the highest distinctions for the breathtaking and outstanding performances and impeccable story telling ... I don't even have the words to express my impression, only the goosebumps on my arms to show what I am feeling right now. If I could share my appreciation for the film, I would stand before the entire team that put forth this film and applaud them individually, until my hands tire, for it is truly a stroke of celluloid beauty they've gifted us. If you haven't yet, I think  you owe to yourself to watch... RAAJNEETI.

To me this film is a raw and enticing exhibition of the darkest facet of man, as tainted by greed and hunger for power. It is unapologetic in its approach and so impeccably real that it lures you into its world. Human animosity could not have been painted in a more exquisite manner. It engages you in the emotions that its character are feeling and calls you to think. I loved it and WILL watch it again. 

Anjaana/Anjaani

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Te sukke sukke sapne vi pijj gaye

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Rove palkein de kone vich neendh meri

Naina laggeyan baarishan

Hanju digde ne chot lage dil te

Naina laggeyan baarishan

Rut birha de badlan di chaa gayi

Kaali kaali khaali raaton se

Hone lagi hai dosti

Khoya khoya inn raahon mein

Ab mera kuch bhi nahiHar pal har lamha

Main kaise sehta hoonHar pal har lamha

Main khudh se yeh kehta rehta hoon

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Phir kyun teri yaadon ne

Mujhe rula diya oh

Mujhe rula diya

Teri yaadon mein likhe jo lafz dete hai sunayi

Beetay lamhe poochte hai kyun hue aise judaa

Khuda, khuda mila jo yeh faasla hai

Khuda tera hi yeh faisla hai

Khuda hona tha woh ho gayaJo tune tha likha

Kaali kaali khaali raaton se

Hone lagi hai dosti

Khoya khoya inn raahon mein

Ab mera kuch bhi nahiHar pal har lamha

Main kaise sehta hoonHar pal har lamha

Main khudh se yeh kehta rehta hoon

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Phir kyun teri yaadon ne

Mujhe rula diya oh

Mujhe rula diya

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Te sukke sukke sapne vi pijj gaye

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Rut birha de badlan di cha gayi

Do pal tujhse juda tha

Aise phir rasta muda tha

Tujhse mein khone laga

Juda jaise hone laga

Mujhse kuch 

Tu hi meri liye ab kar dua

Tu hi iss dard se kar de juda

Tera hoke tera jo main na raha

Main yeh khud se kehta hoon

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Phir kyun teri yaadon ne

Mujhe rula diya oh

Mujhe rula diya

found this gem on Tyler Knott's blog... and have fallen in love with Tracy Chapman.

When all my hopes and dreams

Have been betrayed

I stand before you

My hands are empty

I am yours

If you are mine

When I fall and stumble

Flat on my face

When I'm shamed and humbled

In disgrace

I am yours

If you are mine

When voices call me

To question my faith

When misperception

Taints my love with hate

I am yours

If you are mine

When time decides

It won't stop for me

When the hawks and vultures

Are circling

I am yours

If you are mine.

Lost in Thought

is in dire need of something...

something to awaken me 

i want to feel like i have a purpose and that i know what it is

i want to feel enthused and blindly passionate about something

i want to feel the colours of life seep into my skin

i want to feel like i can do anything

i want to feel assertive about the decisions i make

i want to feel like i am in control of my life and not standing outside, looking in like a stranger

i need to find myself in the chaotic storm that are my thoughts, my questions and my beliefs.

i need to feel found.

Lost in Thought, by Rebecca Foster