Cause it just feels so right...

Your face will be the reason I smile...But I will not see what I cannot have forever

it's 5 am, and i am sitting in the crevice of my couch, belting this song out to my mother's discontent :)

cell physiology, you will be the end of me.

i want to cry myself to sleep.

only, i can't.

facebook status:

my cell (that which i consider an extension of my soul) has committed suicide. BREF, i dropped it/lost in snow, found it an hour later only to realize that it was run over and no longer functions. there is no landline service under my rock, but we do have farmer's internet (go figure) and so facebook works.

exams are my way to redemption. most of the time.

in general, throughout my student life, as much as a i fuss and cry about the disgusting and unapologetically brutal process that is studying... the end result is proportional to the effort (give or take) and so i find some level of comfort.

this time, the feeling is different. this time i am dreading with every grain of my existence the very thought of these exams. i cannot fathom the notion of remaining at my desk, immobile, completely surrendered to my heavy books and submerging what remains of my brain cells in the glory of scientific discoveries made by senile and mostly rotting geniuses. i have been phenomenal at eating and sleeping and occasionally going to work. work of course being the heavens to anyone who has any inclination for chocolate (Lindt boutique... yes, i've gained a bajillion pounds worth of chocolate right on my thighs... its a matter of knowing one's product well enough to sell it). photosynthesis and its rigorous photosystems is of no interest to me. i much rather surrender to my bed or better yet, surrender to tv and bask in the glory of all that is VAMPIRE DIARIESSSSSS. gosh, i am obsessed. 

i know why it's different this time. it's because i have lost to time and to procrastination. i have been unable to gather the will to fight my laze. i feel as though i haven't left myself reasonable time or chance to make a difference in my grades with these exams. i HATE going through an exam and having the answer at the tip of my tongue only to sit there and tell myself, i should have read that chapter one more time and i would have been fine. i hate knowing that just a little more effort, a little sooner would have helped. i hate knowing that if i had studied just a little more, i could have done so much better. it eats at me from the beginning of the exam till the day i receive my grade. then it's right into the depression, and hating myself. 

WHYYYYYYY OH WHYYYYYYY did i wait so long? sleep so much? eat so much?

i don't think i have it in me to be a good student no more.

O_o

You never know how things 
Gon turn out huh? 

I know you got the best love 
That I ever had 
I swear that when I look at you, 
The time don't pass 
Intoxicated without 
A sip from a glass 
Infatuation was real 
Thought we would last 

But you're gone away 
I thought you were gon to stay 
I got deceived again 
I can't believe 

And now you got someone who don't 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You already know who use to 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You look for me and you know I be 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight 
When you the one who told me to get 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life 
That's unfortunate 
That's unfortunate 
That you didn't believe in me 

You know I got the best love 
That you ever had 
Tell me how it feels to know 
You'll never get it back 
Baby tell me how our train 
Never got up off track 
Never be the same 
Thought our hearts were attached 

But you're gone away 
I thought you were gon to stay 
I got deceived again 
I can't believe 

And now you got someone who don't 
Treat you right, treat you right (don't) 
Treat you right, treat you right (don't) 

Treat you right 
You already know who use to 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right (oh) 
You look for me and you know I be 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight (sight) 
When you the one who told me to get 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life (Oh) 
That's unfortunate (Oh, oh) 
That's unfortunate 
That you didn't believe in me 

Pain don't last forever 
I'm telling you cuz I done been there 
Heart turn to anger 
Friends turn to strangers 
But right now I don't care 
And you'll get there 
(You will, you will, you will) 
You didn't keep 
(Talk about a bunch of mess) 
Your promise 

And now you got someone who don't 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You already know who use to 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right, treat you right 
Treat you right 
You look for me and you know I be 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight, out of sight 
Out of sight (sorry) 
When you the one who told me to get 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life, out ya life 
Out ya life (oh) 
That's unfortunate (that I) 
That's unfortunate (la, la, la) 
That you didn't believe in me 

You never know how things 
Gon turn out, huh? huh? huh?

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/unfortunate-lyrics-trey-songz.html ]

RESULTS

This questionnaire is designed to get you thinking about the sort of jobs that might suit your style.
John Holland's model of vocational choice suggests that people with particular interests and styles tend to favour certain types of jobs. Holland described six main types of person:

• Realistic
• Conventional
• Social
• Enterprising
• Artistic
• Investigative

Knowing the types you most (and least) fit can help you think about the types of role that may suit you.

Read below to find out what careers you seem to be suited to based on your results in the test:

Artistic

Your results suggest that Artistic type work might suit your interests and preferences.

Artistic types are interested in creativity and art, preferring freedom and independence to following rules and procedures. Self-expression is very important to Artistic types and they may prefer to work alone. Typical roles for Artistic types include artist, singer, designer, photographer, musician, writer and actor.

Social

Your results suggest that Social type work might suit your interests and preferences.

Social types like roles that focus on helping, teaching or supporting others and very much prefer working with people to working with things or ideas. They tend to prefer working in teams and like to feel they are doing something useful. Typical roles for social types include teacher, counsellor, nurse, minister of religion, clinical psychologist or police officer.

Realistic

Your results suggest that Realistic type work might suit your interests and preferences.

Realistic types generally prefer action to words, they like physical activity and may prefer working with things to working with people. They tend to favour jobs where they can work with their hands or produce things, and often like outdoor work. Typical roles that suit Realistic types are gardener, mechanic, driver, electrician, farmer, sportsperson, skilled trades, labourers and some engineering and military roles.

Conventional

Your results suggest that Conventional type work is less likely to suit your interests.

Conventional types are happy to work within systems and large organisations and tend to focus on accuracy and efficiency, preferring to know what is expected of them. They tend to like things to be organised and predictable and are often involved in roles that involve recording, sorting, documenting and organising. Typical roles for Conventional types include the range of administrative and clerical roles (e.g. in the government and financial sectors) as well as accountancy, banking, bookkeeping, secretarial work and some inspecting roles.

Enterprising

Your results suggest that Enterprising type work is less likely to suit your interests.

Enterprising types like persuading and influencing people as well as controlling, managing and selling to them. They like to take a lead and are often quite motivated and ambitious but may be impatient and can find rules and detail frustrating. They tend to favour roles such as salesperson, manager, estate agent, supervisor, lawyer, advertising or marketing executive and often like positions that have status and prestige.

This brief questionnaire can't tell you exactly what you should do. It only suggests work areas to think about that may match the way you like to work but it can't tell you whether you have the skills and qualifications for these jobs.

To take things further you should consult your local careers service or your local library. Use the right-hand navigation bars at the top of this page to find links to other careers sites.


... and so i've always known, what to do next is what i don't know. from where i stand, it's hard to see or make out anything further than arms length.

shamelessly and unconditionally devoted.

evermore forgiving and never expecting.

forever bearing and forevermore relinquishing.  

Indian Woman with Red Bindi by Ginette Callaway

I give up. I know i land up here more when i'm on the brink of an emotional breakdown more then when i have something good and nice to share... but thats sorta how it is. 


i feel like i am trying so desperately to have things go right and they do just the opposite. every time i manage to convince myself that i can do something and that there is a way out of everything if my will is strong enough... my will gets blasted into a million pieces. 


to make matters worse i feel like there is a clown at  every corner of my mind laughing at me. i want to stop trying and just be. i feel like i might as well stop writing on my list of goals and aspirations and just start erasing.  no energy left to fight anything anymore. nothing left whatsoever: i'm on the ground and i don't want to move.

GET UP &

D.A.N.C.E.

I have just barely finished watching this film and I cannot contain myself. This film has, for me at least, revived any passion I have ever felt for cinema and film making. Sheer brilliance on all levels (perhaps this opinion is premature given I have yet had the chance to come out of this high its taken me to)! No praise is enough. It deserves, in my opinion, the highest distinctions for the breathtaking and outstanding performances and impeccable story telling ... I don't even have the words to express my impression, only the goosebumps on my arms to show what I am feeling right now. If I could share my appreciation for the film, I would stand before the entire team that put forth this film and applaud them individually, until my hands tire, for it is truly a stroke of celluloid beauty they've gifted us. If you haven't yet, I think  you owe to yourself to watch... RAAJNEETI.

To me this film is a raw and enticing exhibition of the darkest facet of man, as tainted by greed and hunger for power. It is unapologetic in its approach and so impeccably real that it lures you into its world. Human animosity could not have been painted in a more exquisite manner. It engages you in the emotions that its character are feeling and calls you to think. I loved it and WILL watch it again. 

Anjaana/Anjaani

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Te sukke sukke sapne vi pijj gaye

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Rove palkein de kone vich neendh meri

Naina laggeyan baarishan

Hanju digde ne chot lage dil te

Naina laggeyan baarishan

Rut birha de badlan di chaa gayi

Kaali kaali khaali raaton se

Hone lagi hai dosti

Khoya khoya inn raahon mein

Ab mera kuch bhi nahiHar pal har lamha

Main kaise sehta hoonHar pal har lamha

Main khudh se yeh kehta rehta hoon

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Phir kyun teri yaadon ne

Mujhe rula diya oh

Mujhe rula diya

Teri yaadon mein likhe jo lafz dete hai sunayi

Beetay lamhe poochte hai kyun hue aise judaa

Khuda, khuda mila jo yeh faasla hai

Khuda tera hi yeh faisla hai

Khuda hona tha woh ho gayaJo tune tha likha

Kaali kaali khaali raaton se

Hone lagi hai dosti

Khoya khoya inn raahon mein

Ab mera kuch bhi nahiHar pal har lamha

Main kaise sehta hoonHar pal har lamha

Main khudh se yeh kehta rehta hoon

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Phir kyun teri yaadon ne

Mujhe rula diya oh

Mujhe rula diya

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Te sukke sukke sapne vi pijj gaye

Naina lageeyan baarishan

Rut birha de badlan di cha gayi

Do pal tujhse juda tha

Aise phir rasta muda tha

Tujhse mein khone laga

Juda jaise hone laga

Mujhse kuch 

Tu hi meri liye ab kar dua

Tu hi iss dard se kar de juda

Tera hoke tera jo main na raha

Main yeh khud se kehta hoon

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Tujhe bhula diya oh

Phir kyun teri yaadon ne

Mujhe rula diya oh

Mujhe rula diya

found this gem on Tyler Knott's blog... and have fallen in love with Tracy Chapman.

When all my hopes and dreams

Have been betrayed

I stand before you

My hands are empty

I am yours

If you are mine

When I fall and stumble

Flat on my face

When I'm shamed and humbled

In disgrace

I am yours

If you are mine

When voices call me

To question my faith

When misperception

Taints my love with hate

I am yours

If you are mine

When time decides

It won't stop for me

When the hawks and vultures

Are circling

I am yours

If you are mine.

Lost in Thought

is in dire need of something...

something to awaken me 

i want to feel like i have a purpose and that i know what it is

i want to feel enthused and blindly passionate about something

i want to feel the colours of life seep into my skin

i want to feel like i can do anything

i want to feel assertive about the decisions i make

i want to feel like i am in control of my life and not standing outside, looking in like a stranger

i need to find myself in the chaotic storm that are my thoughts, my questions and my beliefs.

i need to feel found.

Lost in Thought, by Rebecca Foster

season of all nighters. start. now. i'm ready

HERE WE GO

I’m about whatever man..

F-ck what they be talking about,

They opinion doesn’t count,

We the only thing that matters (oooh)

So we do it how we do it

All up in your face, man, I hate to put you through it

I be up all night..

whole crews in here

Cause I don’t really know who I’mma lose this year (oooh)

Man I love my team. Man I love my team...

I would die for them n-ggas...

for the love of cuteness!
as carmenita and i discuss dogs and their sheer cuteness... my heart can't help but melt at some of these adorable little beings.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, CUTE.

eyes? WOW.

i can't help but smile :)... wheeeeeeeeeeee!

rockstar.

gosh, they are beautiful.

awwwwwww!

ilouuu!

there are too many!! picked the first few, but all of them equally as gorgeous and absolutely precious!